All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
