sarcasm needs its own font
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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