it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
