IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
