if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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