i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
