He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
