I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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