Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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