Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
