it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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