just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
