Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
