I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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