You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
