theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize