I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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