lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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