I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I love having hate sex.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize