I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
