trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We had sex on a dog bed..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
