We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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