I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
