he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
