i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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