You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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