So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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