I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
