Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
