I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
