Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
