Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
