Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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