census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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