Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
