yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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