Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
