Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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