have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
