I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
