An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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