Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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