A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Drunk is not a location!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
