I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
