Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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