I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
