My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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