I hate all girls vehemently.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize