They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
