I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
