I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
