Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Panties = found
Randomize
