I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
