Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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