Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
