I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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