I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
