I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
