I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
