True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
