video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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