does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
