He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
