if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
