I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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